Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Its so hard to explain how i feel.The past seems like a past life and the present just feels like..the present.Maybe its because i like to live in the moment thati try not to think about my life before.Its not that i try not to think about it, but i guess you could sayi try not to dwell on it?Well this just makes me look bad.Basically im not saying i wish to forget what everything was before,but it feels like a dream i had and i'd nvr led that life.(I dont think many can understand what im saying, its not what many people go through)But the memories are clear and i know, obviously that its not a dream.This might all sound negative and reflect me as a bitch whoshould be ashamed but that's not howi mean it to be.I've been trying to voice my feelings but its so hard to put it out.And now that i have, it sounds like im some self loathing past despising bitch.But its not.I wish this nvr happened, because im curious to knowhow my life would be different.But im also glad it happened because i do like life right now.Although many times i've felt that i would be somewhat happier if i stayed.Many times.I feel like 2 different identities.When i reflect on the past, it just all feels so far away.and i hate it.I hate that im losing grip of my life before.It hasnt been long, i know.But here its a completely different worldand i am adapting so fast it feels like i've lived here my whole life.akwlejfnvsdkfjbnThis is how i feel, simply put.I feel like if i nvr left, i would genuinely be a very happy person.But being here, i feel like i am myself.Then i get confused, what is myself?Who i was before? or who am i now?i still feel like the same person..but yet somehow different..Or not.FUCK.So tell me, how many people go through this shit?Not playing victim but fuck, if you did, counsel me.This is almost like...identity crisis.
»8:05 PM
I realized how fun it is to look back on past happenings. So for future's sake, here we go